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5 Ways to Tell if You’re Having an Emotional Affair

3 Signs Your Relationship is in Trouble

Would your partner really be OK with this?

Successful relationships are built on safety and trust — and a betrayal of that trust can derail a partnership before you know it. Both in the media and in our personal lives, we tend to associate such betrayals with physical affairs; however, an emotional affair, even without sex, can be just as threatening to your relationship.

What is an emotional affair?

Simply put, an emotional affair is an intimate connection with someone other than your partner. More to the point, it’s when that person becomes central in your life and, in some important ways, takes on the functions of your partner: you find that you spend a lot of time with them, confide in them and support each other emotionally, whether it’s over the phone or in person.

The emotional investment draws energy and commitment away from your relationship, resulting in you growing distant from and less interested in your partner. You may even begin to regard the other person more favorably than your partner, so you become increasingly annoyed or frustrated with your partner’s perceived “limitations.”

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Even if the other person is someone you aren’t physically attracted to and there’s no risk of physical intimacy between you, it’s still a threat to your relationship.

How do you know if you’re having an emotional affair?

What are the warning signs of an emotional affair? If any of the following things are happening, you may be at risk:

  1. You confide in this person. You tell them intimate things about your life that only your partner knows.
  2. You discuss personal aspects of your relationship with your partner. Perhaps you tell them about the physical and/or emotional problems you’re facing.
  3. The thought of introducing your partner to this person makes you uncomfortable. You don’t want to spend time with this person while your partner is around — you want to keep this relationship to yourself.
  4. You find yourself not being fully honest with your partner (or others) about how often you see this person or what you share with them.
  5. You think about the other person a lot, and you’re excited to see them and talk to them.

What can you do about it?

Check out YourTango for relationship advice

A healthy relationship means that your partner is your first priority. All healthy relationships are founded on trust and honesty, and your partner should be your “go-to” person for most things. If this isn’t happening, then it’s time to make a change and confront the issues directly.

Women More Likely to Cheat Than Men — and Here’s Why

When it comes to recovering from an affair, most couples need the help of a professional couples counselor. While at the moment of discovery it’s hard to imagine, many couples not only recover, but actually improve their relationship as a result.

This guest article originally appeared on Keeping Score Kills Love: 5 Ways To Change This Dynamic.

5 Ways to Tell if You’re Having an Emotional Affair

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APA Reference
Guest Author, P. (2018). 5 Ways to Tell if You’re Having an Emotional Affair. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 26, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 Jul 2018 (Originally: 1 Sep 2014)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 Jul 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.