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5 Things Not to Do in Your New Relationship

5 Things Not to Do in Your New RelationshipRelationships are fraught with the potential for peril as well as the prospect of prosperity. Navigating a new relationship can be especially challenging, since you don’t really know the other person as well as someone who’s been in a relationship for years.

There are no sure-fire ways to ensure your new relationship is going to make it past the 3-month mark, much less three years. But if you keep the following five tips in mind, at least you won’t lose the plot before it even begins.

1. Don’t overdo or rush it.

New relationships are especially vulnerable to this phenomenon. You’ve met, you fall in love, and before you know it, you want to give up everything else in your life — your friends, your hobbies, your family. You want to have sex day and night and do little else.

New love is intoxicating. Most of us have experienced it and “get” it. Enjoy the moment, but just don’t take it too far. After awhile, remember you have friends, remember you have hobbies. This is important because while it’s fun to lose yourself in someone else for awhile, if you do it too long, you increase the danger of losing yourself altogether.

2. Don’t hold back.

New relationships are an exquisite dance of baring our emotions and our vulnerabilities to another person. Share too much, and you’re afraid they’ll see something they don’t like, don’t find attractive, or may reject you for.

But share too little by putting a clamp on your feelings threatens new love before it even has a chance to root. You need to be willing to take that leap of faith and share what you’re feeling — even if you’re afraid. Because truth is, we’re all afraid. So one of you has to be the brave one.

3. Don’t play games.

As a part of that dance, sometimes we get sucked into our own insecurities, bravado, or ego and start playing games. We hold off on calling or texting back. We stop flirting because they said something that upset us, but instead of talking about it, we just stop talking.

If communication is key to a successful relationship in the long run, learning how to communicate with your new partner is one of the best things you can do.

4. Don’t just become what the other person wants.

While related to #1, it’s also important on its own. You are your own person, and while we should all seek change to better ourselves, we shouldn’t do it just because someone else wants it. It needs to make sense to us first.

Your personality and your individuality are what make you uniquely special. Don’t lose that in a new relationship. Don’t be quick to give up those things that make you unique just to please the other person.

5. Don’t get lazy.

While it’s easy to fall into traditional roles and routines as soon as they become comfortable, it can also be a sign of laziness. What makes new relationships so much fun is that you don’t have those routines yet — so don’t be so quick to fall into them.


Keep these tips in mind and you’ll find your new relationship even more enjoyable than past ones. Enjoy!

5 Things Not to Do in Your New Relationship

John M. Grohol, Psy.D.

Dr. John Grohol is the founder of Psych Central. He is a psychologist, author, researcher, and expert in mental health online, and has been writing about online behavior, mental health and psychology issues since 1995. Dr. Grohol has a Master's degree and doctorate in clinical psychology from Nova Southeastern University. Dr. Grohol sits on the editorial board of the journal Computers in Human Behavior and is a founding board member of the Society for Participatory Medicine. You can learn more about Dr. John Grohol here.

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APA Reference
Grohol, J. (2018). 5 Things Not to Do in Your New Relationship. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 22, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 Jul 2018 (Originally: 5 Sep 2012)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 Jul 2018
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