2 Steps to Rewire Unhealthy Relationship Patterns
Perhaps you’re both the problem AND the solution…
You just can’t seem to avoid it — the same dead-end relationship with the same type of person. These partners not only have the same personality but the same issues as well, and it always seems to end with the same heartache.
Why can’t you escape the endless cycle of AWFUL relationships?
A lot of it has to do with your parents. Just like they pass down genes for your physical traits, they also pass down behaviors that impact your personality traits. Your parents, whether they mean to or not, influences who you are, your personality and who you ultimately create relationships with.
According to Softpedia:
“Heredity establishes the limits of one’s personality that can be developed, while the environment — represented by the cultural, social and situational factors influence the actual development within the limits.”
But that doesn’t mean you’re doomed to follow in your parents’ footsteps. Ready for a solution?
In the video above, author and host Charles J. Orlando sits down with author, counselor and therapist Dr. John Gray, life coach Cara Cordoni, licensed psychotherapist and bioenergetic analyst Leah Benson, and counselor and therapist Atul Kumar Mehra to discuss why so many people can’t find an escape from their awful relationship pattern.
Here are two techniques mentions that can end the relentless cycle and find the right partner for you:
1. Rewire Your Personality To Attract Other Types Of People
Although you may have certain limits to your personality traits, you can manipulate them (in the same way different relationships and experiences can). Look at the your relationship pattern and consider what things you can change about yourself to avoid attracting partners that won’t work.
“Yes, we’re solid structures, but we also know that we have all this neuroscience now about how plastic the brain is and that we can rewire it intentionally, that it’s constantly changing. We’re making it all times. We act like it’s set in stone all the time. But all this research shows that it’s really not. We can go through amazing transformations with the intentionality of engaging with it, not feeling victim to it,” explains Cara Cordoni.
2. Understand The Opposite Sex BEFORE You Get Into A New Relationship
Think about it — men don’t think or act the same way women do. There are many personality variations and thought processes within both genders. While not all people think and act the same way, many do simply because of their gender. Once you realize this, you can work towards finding traits you like in that person that outweigh the ones you don’t, which, ultimately, brings out the best in that person.
Dr. John Gray makes a helpful connection to his own life to wisely explain this issue:
“I’m grateful to be a therapist, and for many, many years I’d have difficulties with my wife. And every woman I was counseling that week was saying the same things about her husband. So I got to see I could leave my wife, but I’m just going to find another one of them! And so what I learned was to bring out the best in women and see the best and embrace that.”
Still can’t seem to shake the awful relationship pattern? Watch this video to hear what other great and helpful advice the YourTango Experts panel has about breaking the pattern and finding the right person for you.
This guest article originally appeared on YourTango.com: Here’s How You Can End Your AWFUL Relationship Patterns — For Good.
Guest Author, P. (2018). 2 Steps to Rewire Unhealthy Relationship Patterns. Psych Central. Retrieved on April 7, 2020, from https://psychcentral.com/blog/2-steps-to-rewire-unhealthy-relationship-patterns/