From the USA. I am so deeply sorry that you’ve had to endure all of these abuses from your parents. I admire the courage, persistence, and resilience you are displaying by bringing this issue forward at this time. You are ready to get some more help on your journey.
All of the things that you’ve mentioned, the lack of physical, sexual, and emotional boundaries with your mother, and the inappropriateness of your father’s actions and similar lack of boundaries that accompany it. What is clear from this description is that you did not have any support for your concerns and lived in a toxic and unsafe home. This wonderful article by Deborah Jackson at PsychCentral explains the impact of something known as ACEs Adverse Childhood Experiences. There is a direct link between these experiences (which you have had according to your email) and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and something known as Complex PTSD trauma.
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) with its intrusive thoughts of memories of the trauma, flashbacks, and or nightmares; or the difficult to diagnose, Complex Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), where the symptoms of a PTSD have had an impact on one’s personality or identity could be overwhelming, but to have each of their powerful impact balanced and evaluated in trying to come to a type of stability and balance is exceptionally courageous.
ACES were found to increase the risk of:
• Alcoholism and alcohol abuse
• Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD)
• Fetal death
• Health-related quality of life
• Illicit drug use
• Ischemic heart disease (IHD)
• Liver disease
• Risk for intimate partner violence
• Multiple sexual partners
• Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)
• Suicide attempts
• Unintended pregnancies
• Early initiation of smoking
• Early initiation of sexual activity
• Adolescent pregnancy
• Lung cancer
I am mentioning these things as a way of saying that the symptoms you’ve identify fall squarely within the range of know symptoms coming from these experiences. You’ve taken the first step in writing us here—and the next logical step is to have an evaluation so that a more comprehensive approach to treatment can be developed. The time to act on this is now.