You may not be dwelling on what happened when you were 16, but your sub-conscious mind certainly is. You are scared because something happened that was so scary that you are still reverberating from it. This is what PTSD is all about. Your brain is stuck in the “flight” part of “fight or flight”, the normal reactions to when we feel frightened. This isn’t rational because it isn’t happening in the rational part of your brain. Your brain is protecting you from your fear by helping you avoid even thinking about it.
You deserve a normal life with normal relationships and a normal comfortable and loving family someday. That isn’t going to happen unless you get some treatment to calm your brain and to process what happened to you when you were younger.
A therapist who specializes in trauma treatment can provide the help you need and deserve. PTSD is treatable. WIth good information and support, you can learn how to keep yourself safe and enjoy friendships with men and date.
You made an important first step by writing to us here at PsychCentral. Now, please, take the next step toward a better life by finding a therapist to help you.
I wish you well.