I am sorry that you are having difficulties with your fiancé and am glad you have taken the time to write us. I admire your courage in dealing with this issue.
There are several red flags here that you need to appreciate, contemplate, and deal with. The first is to understand that it doesn’t sound like you are working with something transient or temporary. The fact that he isn’t able to work because of his anxiety and depression is a disability that should not be overlooked. These are issues you are saying have lasted a couple of years with no improvement. Simply put, these conditions usually do not to get better without some form of intervention.
His apology that he is difficult to live with will continue to wear thin, and his own efforts to help himself seem to not be genuinely targeted toward change. Anyone who says they would be “willing to go to therapy – please make an appointment for me,” isn’t serious about change. Most therapists, if they have been well-trained, would never accept the appointment from a spouse for the other. It is the first sign that the therapy isn’t going to be effective. In general, only if the patient were a child would it work to let someone else set up the appointment for someone else’s therapy. If the person can’t take the initiative to make that appointment, they are not likely to be able to move through the difficult process of psychotherapy.
The symptoms of depression are well-known, and the best place to start is with an understanding of how depression is classified. Depression symptoms can vary from mild to severe and can include:
- Feeling sad or having a depressed mood
- Disengaged, with a loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed
- Changes in appetite (weight loss or gain unrelated to dieting)
- Insomnia or sleeping too much.
- Loss of energy or increased fatigue
- Anxiety-related physical activity (e.g., hand-wringing or pacing) or slowed movements and speech (actions observable by others)
- Loss of meaning or purpose, feeling worthless or guilty
- Difficulty thinking, concentrating or making decisions
- Thoughts of death or suicide
While I don’t know the severity of his symptoms it sounds clear that he needs, at the very least, an evaluation. If he is unwilling to do this, or make an effort to change, then you have to ask yourself if you can tolerate a lifetime like this with him.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral