I can understand why parents might have a reaction to their teenage daughter’s choices. However, the fact that you are a grown woman with a highly professional career emerging (based on your background information) your parents are making the classic error of thinking they know what is best for their adult child. I’d be very clear with them. I’d ask to have a meeting with just you and them where the agenda is for you to explain some decisions you’ve made.
The key is to explain the truth of the situation to them by using a technique that explains there are two truths operating: That you love them very much and you are not going to stop seeing your boyfriend. That you understand they want to protect you and you want to be responsible for making your own decisions. That you’d like to have their understanding, but it won’t change who you date. You love them but not enough to make the error of letting you boyfriend go.
Explain that they are the ones actually causing the problems, not your boyfriend. That it would be heartbreaking to be without them in your life, but you’d resent them if you dropped your boyfriend because they had a feeling. Let them know that you want to be responsible for making your own choices, good or bad, so that you can reap the benefits or lessons directly. They are not going to be here to guide you forever and you have to learn how to make the right choices on your own.
They wouldn’t be the first parents to think that the young man their daughter has chosen the wrong person. In many ways it is classic, but it almost always ends the same way. If the parents don’t get onboard they will either be resented or left. The work here is for you to let them know that you love them and don’t plan to change your life because of their attitude. The work is for them to decide not what to do, not what you have to do to appease their feelings.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral