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Sexual Issue/ Rape

Asked by on with 1 answer:

I’m 21 years old, I believe I’m asexual, I never want to have any sexual activity, I never masturbate, I never had an orgasm. However, I allow people to use me sexually and then I victimize myself, I always feel like I’m just being used and I feel guilty but I never stand for myself, I let them do whatever they want without saying a word even though it kills me inside
I can’t even blame my rapist for doing what he did as I just said no few times but then I let him do what he did, deep inside I wanted to vomit, I acted as if my body is not real and I’m not there
I want an explanation for that.. why do I do that? Why can’t I say no? I feel extremely disgusted with myself. (From Egypt)

Sexual Issue/ Rape

Answered by on -

A.

I’m sorry you’ve had these experiences, and yet I am very glad you found the courage and curiosity to write us here at Psych Central. Obviously I cannot diagnose your situation, yet it sounds like you may be dissociated from your feelings following trauma. I highly recommend a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist to evaluate your situation to determine if a type of dissociation may be happening. The fact that you are feeling asexual and are indifferent to sexual activity following rape is why I’m encouraging you to have this evaluation.

This article by Dr. Marlene Stienberg highlights some of the advances being made in diagnosing and understanding the phenomenon. She explains that: “Dissociation is a common defense/reaction to stressful or traumatic situations. Severe isolated traumas or repeated traumas may result in a person developing a dissociative disorder. A dissociative disorder impairs the normal state of awareness and limits or alters one’s sense of identity, memory, or consciousness.”

I believe this would be something you’d want to explore with the individual doing the evaluation.

This article by Robyn Brickel, a licensed marriage and family therapist, explains how people may attempt to cope after a trauma. This blog by Dr. Fabiana Franco adds to this knowledge by explaining how self-understanding can happen following a traumatic event.

The trauma of rape is likely to be an issue that needs to be discussed. Dissociation is a way the psyche tries to defend itself from the event, and when it is overused it has the potential to create the kinds of issues you are experiencing. I’d recommend you make an appointment for an evaluation so that you can achieve some insight on what’s happening, and be guided toward treatment.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Sexual Issue/ Rape

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Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2020). Sexual Issue/ Rape. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 2, 2020, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2020/08/08/sexual-issue-rape/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 5 Aug 2020 (Originally: 8 Aug 2020)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 5 Aug 2020
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.