Thank you for writing to us. There are several features in your story that I believe are important to highlight, as all traumas do not cause the same results. Indeed, there are instances, in fact, quite a good percentage of times, when the “trauma” leads to something known as Post Traumatic Growth (PTG). PTG is something well-researched as this article by the American Psychological Association describes, and this article by Dr. Bret Moore at Psych Cental explains
In your trauma, you were directly motivated to deal with it. You moved toward the conflict, rather than move away from it. You had a feeling of empowerment to deal with what happened rather than run away from it, hide it, or be shamed by it. You told your mom and she responded in the right way. In other words, you did all the things to move through it successfully and your mom responded in exactly the way she should have by believing you, supporting you, and getting the authorities involved.
Still, there was the initial betrayal by the older girl. She befriended you then abused you. This alone may have had some effects as being betrayed by someone you’ve trusted is often the greatest pain. The fact that you’ve not revealed this to any therapist, still feel embarrassed by it, and panicked when you talk about sex means that it still has an influence over you.
Keeping the secret, feeling shame and embarrassment, and believing it may be related to your other issues is important to honor. What happened and how you’ve dealt with it may need to be discussed to determine what, if anything, it has to do with the other issues. To my way of thinking it is a win-win situation in that if you can talk about it and learn its influence on you — or lack of influence on you — you’d be in a much better position to cope.
I’d recommend telling the therapist you have now, or if you are not in therapy to find a trauma therapist who can help you sort through the situation. You did all the right things at the time and this might be a way for you to finally release the secrecy and embarrassment around it.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral