I deeply appreciate your email and the courage it takes to ask this question. The part of you that wrote this email and requesting help is the part of you that needs to continue to step forward. It is the part of your awareness that is most in touch with your ability to change. Without it there is not a likelihood that you will see these issues go away in time. In fact, it tends to be that conditions worsen without a deliberate approach to improvement.
While I cannot diagnose, I would recommend you learn more about something known as an antisocial personality disorder. If you read the material we have here at Psych Central by Dr. Donald Black, MD, you’ll see what this particular condition looks like. I think you will see it identifies and discusses the symptoms and treatment. Here are a few indicators from this article that echo the things you’ve discussed.
- Deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure
- Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead
- Irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults
- Reckless disregard for the safety of self or others
- Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations
- Lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another
You need not have all of these to be identified — and of course, I can be wrong about this, but I would highly recommend you begin individual psychotherapy and then group psychotherapy with someone with experience in treating this condition. The find help tab at the top of the page will help you find someone in this area.
Take your initiative to write us here and put it to good use by following up with therapy. Your desire to change is the most important feature in changing who you are.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral