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Constant Fights with My Mother

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I live in a different city to my mom due to college. Due to the lockdown in my country because of the Corona Virus I moved back home with my family. I have been away from home for 1 year and have seen my family maybe twice in that year when they visited. Being back home has been so nice I missed it so much but during the past 2 weeks it appears my mom and sister got too used to me being away and now they are treating me very badly and constantly fighting with me for petty things and I cannot handle this stress anymore. I feel like I am walking on eggshells. Furthermore my mom and sister tell me terrible things that really break my heart such as “we wish u never came back, u should’ve stayed there alone we would’ve been happier” My friends tell me not to take what they say personally because everyone is getting on each others nerves due to the lockdown but its hard when they say such mean things. I feel unwelcome in my own home, when I tell them how I feel they just wave it away and say I’m hysterical and overemotional. I failed my first year of college last year and now I am repeating my first year which really disappoints my mom, she was very supportive of me and now suddenly she is saying things like “;you are just a failure a disgrace for a daughter” this hit me very hard. I try to stay in my room away from them but then she fights with me and says I’m acting like I’m not part of the family because I’m not being social with them but I cannot even be social with them even if I wanted to because they just end up getting annoyed with me and telling me harsh things that I do not want to hear. My sister does the exact same things as me that you would think would annoy my mom as well but she just ignores it when my sister does it but yells at me when I do it (example not putting the alarm on before we go to bed). My mom is super OCD, even my stepdad has issues with how over the top she can be. I just can’t take her constant yelling at me anymore and do not know what to do. I Feel so stressed out! What should I do? (From South Africa)

Constant Fights with My Mother

Answered by on -

A.

I am sorry you’ve had to move back home and have to deal with your mother and sister. I think the best course of action for you is to establish micro-goals. Have a rich plan for your day which include ongoing micro-goals to help you engage. You can do this by breaking down what there is to do that day into a series of much more immediately available tasks. Micro-goals involve breaking a larger goal down into smaller one that are quicker to engage in and easier to see through. Instead of clean you room the micro goals would be to pick up your clothes, clean off your desk, organize your papers and vacuum the floor. Smaller micro goal keep us engaged and getting feedback that we are getting things done.

Secondly, do everything you can to be out of the house and away from them. Take walks, bike rides, homes — anything that will keep you busy, engaged and distanced from your family.

Finally, I’d make the effort to check out what classes you could take online until you can get back to school. This will help you stay engage while helping you stay away from the family until you can be on your own.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Constant Fights with My Mother

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Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2020). Constant Fights with My Mother. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 12, 2020, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2020/06/23/constant-fights-with-my-mother/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 23 Jun 2020 (Originally: 23 Jun 2020)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 23 Jun 2020
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.