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My Girlfriend’s Sister Hates Me and So Does Her Mother

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Hi, so I had been dating my girlfriend for about 3 years now. I met her back in 2017, and since then I had gotten really close with her youngest sister and some of her other siblings. I saw my girlfriend’s youngest sister, as a sister and she would call me her sister-in-law, we would talk all the time, overall she trusted me and saw me as someone she could go to when she felt upset or needed someone. I was always there and I let her know, and we never had any issues until recently. After almost 3 years dating my girlfriend, I had found out she cheated on me in October of 2019 and I found out months later which was in January of 2020. I had no clue and didn’t find out until one of my good friends messaged me about it. And it completely broke me down and her youngest sister was there for me. But then soon after said that I should get over it and told me no one cared to be involved in my drama. I was in shock and couldn’t believe what she had told me, soon after we talked and we were cool. Meanwhile, with my relationship I ended up deciding that I was to work it out with my girlfriend, it is complicated and I’m still healing but we talked and I came up with the decision to make our relationship work. My girlfriend never told anything to her sister and until I started being around more, going over their house. This is up until now that I decided to make it work, and all of the sudden in February about a month after trying to work things out she blocked me off everything. Of course, I confronted her about it and she texted me saying she didn’t like me anymore, claiming I damage her sister. She claimed I was always with her sister and I would always happen to show up. She later claimed that I am using her for money because before she claimed I told her that I hated her sister for cheating and now that her sister had money, we were back together. (In the midst of me and my girlfriend working things out, she had received money from her taxes). I think what she has been saying about me is completely untrue, help! (From the USA)

My Girlfriend’s Sister Hates Me and So Does Her Mother

Answered by on -

A.

I can deeply appreciate your pain and the struggle in your current situation. I want to challenge several things about the choice to return to your girlfriend and what is happening with her sister. I want to highlight the use of your pronoun when discussing how you were going to heal with your girlfriend. You said: “…I decided to make it work…” This is very telling because you didn’t say “we”. Nowhere in your discussion of these events do you speak about what your girlfriend has said done or promised to do to make things better. If you thought it was only your decision that would make the relationship better, the effort was not destined to succeed.

From what you’ve explained your girlfriend betrayed you, kept secrets, and then falsely accused you in a few different ways. Her sister also seems to be lying and making up stories as well. My question is: are either of these relationships worth your time and effort? Why would you want to make something work that seems so deeply flawed, convoluted, judgmental, accusatory, and inaccurate?

Whatever your girlfriend’s reason was for cheating what she didn’t do was be honest with you. Whatever her sister said or did was either a lie or misinterpreted. Either way, you are not going to be in a position to change this situation, and, quite frankly, it is hard to imagine why you would want to. What is happening with your former girlfriend and her sister seems to have little to do with what you know to be true. It is time to unhook from this family, learn what you can from this situation, and find a relationship with someone who will treat you better. You deserve it.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

My Girlfriend’s Sister Hates Me and So Does Her Mother

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Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2020). My Girlfriend’s Sister Hates Me and So Does Her Mother. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 14, 2020, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2020/06/17/my-girlfriends-sister-hates-me-and-so-does-her-mother/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 16 Jun 2020 (Originally: 17 Jun 2020)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 16 Jun 2020
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