It takes a great deal of courage to notice our own difficult patterns and express them to others. What you are describing sounds hard to cope with and difficult to manage. Just by describing and asking for help, you have demonstrated your significant persistence and resilience in dealing with these ongoing concerns. This ability is an essential ingredient in learning how to self-regulate these thoughts. I am very glad you’ve written to us here at Psych Central.
Being medicated for five years and struggling with depression through your entire teen years must have been very difficult. But at 20 the demands on you have changed intellectually, socially, emotionally, and physically. In taking on the role of an adult you have new challenges and goals. It is time for you to get an updated evaluation. I would highly recommend a neuropsychologist, clinical psychologist, and/or psychiatrist or psychiatric nurse to do an evaluation. A neurologist or psychologist can do specific psychological testing to help determine not only what is going on, but also what is needed for treatment. These tests are more comprehensive in scope and can help to uncover the patterns and skills that are both problematic and potentially helpful. A psychiatrist or psychiatric nurse can do an evaluation and make recommendations.
This initial stage of assessment should then be followed with some individual therapy to help develop skills to ground and center you, and give you back a sense of self-control.
As you mention you are a sophomore in college in your profile submitted with your question the easiest place to begin the evaluation and therapy is with your university’s counseling center. Typically they have access to all of the people in the community who can offer what I am recommending.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral