For your own peace of mind, and perhaps to get some treatment, you need to go back to whoever gave you that diagnosis of major depression and tell her or him what you have shared here. If you think you can’t describe your experience accurately, give your prescriber a copy of your letter to us. You wrote and articulate and helpful narrative about what you are thinking and feeling. Reading it would be a good place for someone to start the road toward understanding you and helping you.
You do not have to suffer like this. You have serious concerns that need to be taken seriously. You deserve to get some answers. It may be that the original diagnosis was correct or it may be that it was incorrect or incomplete. There are a number of diagnoses that share symptoms. It’s possible that you are suffering from something in addition to depression.
A good, thorough assessment will help both you and your helpers take a new look and perhaps lead to a new set of recommendations for treatment.
I think you made an important first step in contacting us here at Psych Central. Now, please do yourself the favor of following through. Make an appointment with your prescriber as soon as you can. If COVID-19 is making an in-person appointment impossible, do ask your prescriber if he or she will talk to you on some kind of video call.
I wish you well.