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Mother Is Forgetful & Accusing

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I wasn’t sure how to summarize this because I’m not too sure what’s going on. My mother (now 49) had a stroke when she was roughly 22. She has always talked about the physical effects she’s endured from the stroke but not the mental effects. She may also have adhd but I am unsure if she has been diagnosed with it. We moved across the country 3 years ago and prior to this I never really saw an issue. People keep telling me it’s because I’m a teenager that “all teens hate their parents” but I just don’t think that’s the case. She is extremely accusatory, blaming everything on everyone else in the house. Today she was yelling at my father because he couldn’t remember her passwords, also she wanted him to read her a number and when she started to read it she interrupted and said that wasn’t what she wanted, then about 30 seconds later, she proceeds to yell at him telling him to hurry up and tell her the ******* number. In the past she has also accused my father of lying to her and sneaking around, which to my knowledge is not the case. Two summers ago, my father and I were visiting our home city across the country while she was at our new home in Ontario. She would video call him every day when we were there and do nothing but yell at him for whatever reason in the book. She even threatened divorce and that really upset me. Keep in mind I was not trying to eavesdrop on their conversation, she is just that loud and the entire house could hear. I have brought it up to her several times that I was hurt by her threatening divorce and accusing my father of such things but she thinks that I’m lying and says none of this ever happened. She also has turned my words around when I say things like “I love my nephew” she says “you just said you don’t love me” It’s very hard because I don’t know if I’m losing my mind or if she is. Currently I am just looking forward to moving out of this house, so there can be distance between us.
A few notes I should add: She is dependent on my father because she is physically unable to work.
I have (diagnosed) depression & anxiety (From Canada)

Mother Is Forgetful & Accusing

Answered by on -

A.

First of all, I am sorry that you are having to endure this while you are still in high school. Things are difficult enough nowadays without having a mother who seems to be making poor decisions and seems unable to self regulate her emotions.

Planning to move out when you finish high school is the right goal to have, and I’d put my effort into doing what you can do to become more independent. This may be going away to college, finding work and living with roommates, or finding family members you can live with until you get on your feet.

But in the time you have left at home I would encourage you to have a private conversation with your dad about your concerns with your mom.

He must be feeling some of this as well, and having an alliance with him and his understanding and help may be very important. He chose your mom as a partner and may need to hear from you how difficult it is to watch and experience her poor behavior. The fact that she had had a stroke, is angry without provocation, and fails to take responsibility for her own actions are all serious indicators that a medical evaluation may be necessary. Talk to your dad about getting your mom to see a physician.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Mother Is Forgetful & Accusing

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Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2020). Mother Is Forgetful & Accusing. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 24, 2020, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2020/05/28/mother-is-forgetful-accusing/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 26 May 2020 (Originally: 28 May 2020)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 26 May 2020
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.