We can be disconnected from our emotions for several reasons. The term for this used by clinicians is anhedonia. It is not a stand-alone disorder, but is part of depression and typically is part of a situation where the individual is under chronically stressful conditions. It means that there is a loss of interest in things you may once have been interested in. This sounds like what may be happening to you as you’ve explained that you have had chronic anxiety and depression. It also has been known to be both caused and helped by different medications. You can learn more about this by reading this blog by Psych Central’s Margarita Tartakovsky.
Perhaps the most important area to focus on is the blackout and cutting event. This is the greatest concern because the cutting sometimes is a way to feel, but if you are blacking out this creates a particularly risky situation. Some additional information is located here.
If you are not in therapy I think it would be particularly good for you to begin some form of individual therapy. While I believe any approach would be helpful — I think some of the experiential therapies (psychodrama, drama therapy, sand tray, or art therapy as an example) would be particularly helpful.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral