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Why Won’t She Leave Her Boyfriend if She Loves Me?

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From a young man in Israel:  I’m in love with someone who has a boyfriend. She refuses to leave him and keeps asking me to wait. I met this girl about 6 months ago, we started hanging out, getting to know each other, I fell in love with her only to find out later that she has a boyfriend.

I gave her a choice to make, either me or him. she chose me, but then I found out that she never left him and continue to talk to both of us. Sometimes she says loves me, sometimes says its only attraction.

She told me that she is waiting for him to leave her, she can’t do it and still maintain contact with me until I cut her off a few days ago.

I’m in love with her, I know there are a lot of maybe better options there but I do like her, and I can’t understand her behavior or why she is doing that. she knows he is not the one for her, and admit it, but can’t leave him, and asking me to wait and sometimes says you can find out someone else.

I don’t understand her or what should I do

Why Won’t She Leave Her Boyfriend if She Loves Me?

Answered by on -


There are many reasons that people stay in relationships that they shouldn’t. But you don’t indicate that this woman is being abused or threatened or manipulated into staying. Instead, she seems to be juggling the two relationships and even lying about it. That suggests that she likes things just as they are, with two men interested in her. She isn’t making a decision because two relationships is more satisfying to her than one. I can’t offer any explanation for that without knowing her.

I can suggest that since you’ve only been involved for 6 months (and involved in a way that has been painful to you), you would do better to take a big step back. Ask yourself why you are willing to accept conditional love and “waiting” while she makes up her mind. You deserve so much better than that.

Take her at her word. Pull back from this relationship and make yourself available to find someone who can love you wholeheartedly and without these mind games.

I wish you well.

Dr. Marie

Why Won’t She Leave Her Boyfriend if She Loves Me?

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2020). Why Won’t She Leave Her Boyfriend if She Loves Me?. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 1, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 7 May 2020 (Originally: 8 May 2020)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 7 May 2020
Published on Psych All rights reserved.