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Home » Ask the Therapist » Why Won’t My Wife Talk to Me when I’ve Asked Forgiveness?

Why Won’t My Wife Talk to Me when I’ve Asked Forgiveness?

Asked by on with 1 answer:

From a man in the U.S.: I have been with my wife for 27 years, over the past 18 months we have started to drift apart a bit. I became addicted to prescription anxiety meds and started acting out on a sexual addiction I have, which caused me to cheat several times on her.

I met a girl online who said she was overage age but ended up being under. I was arrested and out in jail. She refused to talk to me the entire time I was there. She filed for divorce and I was served the last day I was in before bail. Now she will only talk about the kids or the divorce.

I regret everything I have done and now that I am not on meds I realize just how much I want to be with her. I have sent her emails telling her how much she means to me and how much I want her to see me change, but it only seems to make her mad and not talk to me even more.

We have three kids that she won’t let me see unsupervised (who miss me greatly). I try to text her and get her to talk and all I get is short one or two word responses (unless it is about our finances or divorce). I am not allowed to go to our house which makes things even more difficult.

She knows I have cheated on her before and forgave me, but she said this is the last time. I really want to change this time, I am gettingĀ therapy and trying to get over my addiction, but she doesn’t trust or believe me. Is there anything I can do to get her back or is it over?

Why Won’t My Wife Talk to Me when I’ve Asked Forgiveness?

Answered by on -

A.

I think you already know the answer to your question. It’s over. She’s heard it all before. She doesn’t trust you to be faithful. She doesn’t believe that the meds or the addiction made you do it. Cheating with an underage kid was the last straw. Now she doesn’t trust you with your kids either.

The best thing you can do is focus on your own therapeutic work. It’s possible that if you are successful in making substantive change, you’ll be able to have at least a cooperative relationship with their mother for the kids’ benefit, if not a cordial one.

Talk to your lawyer about options for supervision so you don’t lose touch with your children. Talk to your therapist about how to explain your divorce to your children in a way that doesn’t put the blame on their mother. Take treatment seriously for your own healing and growth.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

Why Won’t My Wife Talk to Me when I’ve Asked Forgiveness?

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Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2020). Why Won’t My Wife Talk to Me when I’ve Asked Forgiveness?. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 10, 2020, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2020/05/07/why-wont-my-wife-talk-to-me-when-ive-asked-forgiveness/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 5 May 2020 (Originally: 7 May 2020)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 5 May 2020
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.