I’m very sorry that you are faced with this situation. Unfortunately, your father doesn’t seem to be the loving person you desire him to be. I understand your pain. It’s not fair.
A quote that might be applicable to your situation is “we cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand” by Randy Pausch. You were not dealt a fair hand in life and are now left to manage the hand that you were dealt.
What this means is that you are now tasked with coming to terms with the fact that your father is not a loving, caring person. It may help you to know that many people are facing similar circumstances. They, too, were not raised by parents who were good role models, who treated them fairly, or who did the right things. For some people, this is one of those unfortunate and unpleasant aspects of life.
It is important to know that how your father behaves has nothing to do with you. How he behaves has to do with his character and nothing to do with yours. Children are especially prone to believing that how their parents treat them is a reflection of themselves. Nothing could be further from the truth. This is a lesson that one learns as they grow and mature. The way your father behaves might be explained by how his parents treated him. They may not have been loving or kind or generous or compassionate, and, as a result, he may not demonstrate any of these characteristics towards his own children. That presents a challenge for you, as the recipient of his unloving and abusive behavior. The fact that his parents may have treated him poorly might explain why he treats you poorly but it does not make it better. It might simply be the explanation.
You may not have a loving father but what about your mother or other family members? Are there people in your life who are loving, who can compensate for an unloving father? If so, perhaps they can “fill in the blanks” for your father. The more loving and supportive people you have in your life, the less you will be affected by your father’s treatment. Once you can accept the fact that your father is who he is, and that his treatment of you has nothing to do with you, the sooner you can move forward in life.
That your father is ignoring your need for medical treatment is very concerning. This may be considered medical neglect. Neglect is illegal and parents can be arrested for neglecting their children. If you need medical assistance and your father won’t help you, make your mother aware and perhaps consider reporting him to child welfare. You can Google the phone number for child welfare reporting in your state by entering “your state and child welfare reporting” into a search engine. You can call and speak to someone about what you’re experiencing. They will advise you about how to respond, should it be necessary.
I would recommend consulting a therapist, in person. If in person services are not available, online or telephone services may be an option. The sooner you can meet with a professional who can teach you to emotionally handle your father, the better you will feel. I hope this answer helps you know how to proceed. If you take nothing else from this answer, please let it be that your father’s behavior is not a reflection of you; it is a reflection of him and his failure to show goodness, compassion and love to his daughter. Good luck and please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle