You want to try and clarify whether or not she is lying or delusional. If she is lying, try to find out why. Why would she be making up these stories? Why would she want to portray herself in a particular way? Is she trying to make you jealous? Is she trying to enhance her life by attempting to shape the opinions others have of her? It is important to determine what is motivating her to lie, if she is lying.
A person who would lie in the manner you have described, might do so because they’re attempting to make themselves appear better than they are. They want to be impressive; they want people to like them and to think highly of them, often because they don’t think highly of themselves.
Pathological lying may also be a sign of a personality disorder including narcissistic or antisocial. Those disorders are notoriously difficult to cure, often because those afflicted are not accepting of treatment. They typically don’t see themselves as having any problems. Their tendency is to blame others.
If she’s delusional, that would mean that she has lost touch with reality and may not realize what she’s saying. In other words, she may not recognize that she’s lying. She may be telling you what she believes has happened to her. If she believes something happened to her or that these people were a part of her life and they were not, this might suggest a mental illness. It would mean that she is believing or seeing things that are not real. In this case, she would need treatment. It would be wise for her, under those circumstances, to undergo an evaluation with both a medical professional and a mental health professional. A medical professional can rule out any physical illnesses. A mental health professional can determine if the nature of the problem is psychological and offer recommendations for treatment.
If she’s willing to undergo an evaluation with a professional, you would have a better sense of what might be wrong. It could help you to clarify whether or not she is lying or delusional. It’s important to determine the nature of the problem because you are planning to spend your life with her. Should the two of you get married, her problems become your problems. You need to know as much about her as possible so that you could be wholly prepared for planning your future.
In addition, it’s impossible to have a relationship without trust. It’s the foundation of any good relationship. Without it, you can’t rely on her to tell you the truth. You need to be able to trust her in order to have a good, solid relationship.
Hopefully, she will be amenable to an evaluation and treatment if necessary. Having a professional involved is a wise idea. It will help you know if you should move forward in this relationship. Good luck with your efforts. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle