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I’m Afraid I’m More Than Depressed

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From a young teen in England: Every day feels like I’m forcing myself to get up, get motivated. I have major mood swings and the smallest things can annoy me for the whole day. Someone could look at me funny or smell and I would blurt something out. My friends say I’m just extremely moody but it can’t just be that.

I previously self harmed for 4 years on and off and have been clean for months now. I felt like I deserved it and that if people had the chance they’d probably do it to me too. I felt like I wasn’t happy enough so I had to do it. Although I don’t do it anymore, I still feel like that. I also contemplated suicide a lot. I had no intention of doing it but the thought definitely crossed my mind more than it should have.

I’ve read a lot into schizophrenia and don’t think I have it, but I hear my own voice in my head all the time. I have conversations with myself and sometimes have to tell myself to shut up. Right now I’m arguing with myself about what to write. When I’m anxious I also argue with myself and count. I don’t count objects, I count in my head until I’m calm. If I’m in the car or travelling, I look at the objects and use my finger to jump over them as we move (like parkour). I don’t know if that’s me being weird or if there’s something wrong with me. I have trouble concentrating and staying on track of what I’m saying. I feel like I need constant reassurance or I feel like I’m not wanted. I’m so emotionally drained. I can’t sit still and I have to fidget or shake my leg.

I’m constantly tired. I don’t know if I have a weird sleeping pattern or what, but I’m so tired when I come back from school that I go to sleep at 6,7 or 8pm and that’s pushing it. I’m tired way before that. I need to nap on the bus everyday after school because I get so tired.

I think there’s something wrong with me. Can you help?

I’m Afraid I’m More Than Depressed

Answered by on -

A.

I’m so very glad you wrote. You are right to be concerned. It was wise to reach to us for some help.

Let’s start with how tired you are. Your difficulty with concentration and focus may be an outcome of your fatigue. At 15, this level of exhaustion isn’t normal. Please start your journey to health by seeing your medical doctor. It may be that there is something going on like an iron deficiency or vitamin deficiency (or something else) that can explain it. When someone is this tired, it’s very hard to cope. Fatigue is one of the ways that our body tells us that something is wrong and needs attention. Trust it.

As for the other symptoms: I doubt you are suffering from schizophrenia. For one thing, you are young to have that diagnosis. The talking in your head and counting things may be a creative way you have found to get yourself through the day when you are so tired. It may also be how you are containing anxiety – which at your age is a more likely diagnosis that a psychosis.

What concerns me most is your report of cutting and your apparent low self-esteem.  I congratulate you on doing what it took to stop self-harm. The next step is to do something about the feelings that made you do it.

For that reason, I do encourage you to also seek out help from a mental health counselor. You need and deserve to learn what has prompted you to feel so negative about yourself. You need and deserve guidance and support while you work on mastering better ways to cope when you are stressed.

I wish you well.

Dr. Marie

I’m Afraid I’m More Than Depressed

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Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2020). I’m Afraid I’m More Than Depressed. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 10, 2020, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2020/04/08/im-afraid-im-more-than-depressed/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 7 Apr 2020 (Originally: 8 Apr 2020)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 7 Apr 2020
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.