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Why Do I Push Away Everything I Love?

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From a teen in the U.S.: I cannot stand the feeling of loving something.I avoid the things that I love doing, because I hate the feeling I get. Like, for instance, if I’m watching a TV show and I’m enjoying it too much, or if I really love one of the characters, I won’t watch the show anymore.

There is a celebrity that I’ve been a fan of since I was 10, and I love him so much, I can’t even look at pictures of him on the internet, or watch videos of him, I can barely listen to his songs anymore without getting a “i need to get away” feeling.

It’s like that with everything I love, I can’t even imagine how I’ll ever be able to handle a relationship. What is this? I know it’s not right, why am I like this?

Why Do I Push Away Everything I Love?

Answered by on -


Your behavior suggests to me that something happened at some point when you were younger that made you believe that something you love will only be taken away from you. The result was a decision on your part never to risk loving something or someone again. Fear is a powerful thing. People do whatever they feel they need to do in order to avoid it. In your case, it looks like you get so anxious about possible loss that you nip positive loving feelings in the bud.

At least, that would be a starting point for talking with you about what is going on. I may be incorrect. But it’s a starting point. Something has made you afraid.

You are correct to be concerned. The longer this goes on, the more it will become your response to liking/loving something. What should be nipped in the bud is that reaction, not the love.

If you could figure this out on your own, you would not be writing to us. Sending in your question was your first step in taking better care of yourself.

Please follow up. You deserve to have a life that includes liking and loving lots of things and having close relationships with others. Make an appointment with a licensed mental health counselor who can dig deep with you to find the origins of your fears and who can help you be open again to love. If social distancing these days makes it hard for you to find a therapist for in person therapeutic work, look for some online help. Many therapists are going online now.

I wish you well.

Dr. Marie


Why Do I Push Away Everything I Love?

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2020). Why Do I Push Away Everything I Love?. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 1, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 1 Apr 2020 (Originally: 2 Apr 2020)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 1 Apr 2020
Published on Psych All rights reserved.