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How Can I Get my Husband to Change?

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I am in my 3rd marriage
1: was abusive and a alcoholic
2: was a cheater and child molester
3: selfish and ungrateful
I really thought my 3 marriage was charm but I was fooled. I have 4 kids the oldest is 20 and I college the youngest is 12 and special needs so I have a full time job there.

The longer we are together the more I’m convinced that my husband just saw a free place to live and not have to contribute we have been married 6 years and he has paid maybe 12 house payments out of those years and I pay all the other bills it’s like world war 3 to try to get money out of him I have to give him a detailed description of what I’m using it for and where my money has went which is crazy considering I have no idea where his money is.

I am at my wits end he lives here and eats my food and acts all high and mighty around his family and buddies like he’s the reason we live in a nice house and have what we have but he’s not. I have a step daughter whom I love but he never does anything with her but I do or at least I try to as much as possible.

We have talked about all this I’ve given him the 3 degree told him things are going to change but they haven’t and I’m just feed up. Any ideas?

How Can I Get my Husband to Change?

Answered by on -


Thank you for writing. You already know what you need to do. I hope you will listen to your own good instincts and get the help you need to get out of this situation. From what you wrote, you are not getting anything positive out of this relationship: No financial help; No help with your children; No respect.

Since you are supporting the family, you are not tied into this marriage because you are dependent. You needn’t fear being alone because you already are.

I did some research and found that there is a domestic violence program in your city. You didn’t mention physical abuse but you are experiencing “violence” none the less. In your case, the violence is exploitation and control.

Call that center. Get some counseling about how to leave this situation safely. Then get some more counseling to help you understand why you have married three men who didn’t deserve you. Without some therapy, you are likely to do the same thing with #4.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

How Can I Get my Husband to Change?

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2020). How Can I Get my Husband to Change?. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 27, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 13 Mar 2020 (Originally: 15 Mar 2020)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 13 Mar 2020
Published on Psych All rights reserved.