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Mother Issues

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According to my mother im gay because im single. Im 34 and live with my mother and never had a steady girlfriend but believe me i tried. But to her, no women means im automatically sneaking around with another man for some reason. Im not gay nor will i ever be. My home life sucks. It feels like a prison. I have no privacy. She feels she has to listen to my phone conversations. The few people i talk to have to text me just so i can get a little privacy. Im cant even close my bedroom door. My life is already a mess but my mom makes it worse. The biggest problem is she goes around telling people im gay them expects it to be easier for me to get a girlfriend. If people hear my mom saying it they believe it. I hate to be lied on and embarrassed. At this point why even ask for a number if i cant even talk. Moving out isnt an option right now. What should i do?

Mother Issues

Answered by on -

A.

Unfortunately, your options are limited. You can’t prevent your mother from literally speaking. You simply do not have the power to do that. Seemingly, she’s unwilling to listen to reason. She doesn’t seem to be willing to adjust her views.

You might try asking her directly why she says the things she does. You might try telling her about how upset it makes you when she says things that are not true. Perhaps you haven’t yet explained it to her in a way that she understands.

It’s unclear why she is behaving in the manner she is. It could be that she’s stubborn. It could be that she believes that by badgering you in this way, it will make a positive difference. Perhaps she’s having medical problems and this is a potential sign of her decompensating.

If I could interview you in person, I would be inquiring about why she is so focused on you being gay. Not everyone in our culture is “okay” with homosexuality. Perhaps it’s something she fears to be true, potentially because of a particular religious orientation. Some religions consider homosexuality a sin.

While it may be difficult to believe, there are still approximately 70 countries in the world that criminalize same-sex relations. In at least one country, if individuals are having same-sex relations, it is legal to stone them to death. I mentioned these facts only to impart the idea that many people in the world are not as progressive as others. I’m not suggesting that your mother falls into any of the aforementioned categories; I’m simply making the point that homosexuality is something that some people, for reasons that are not entirely understood, continue to fear. Perhaps something about the possibility of you being gay frightens your mother and she keeps bringing it up because she’s worried something bad will happen to you.

Obviously, the aforementioned theories are based on very little information and may have no validity whatsoever. They are speculations based on only less than 200 words of information that I have about your personal situation.

The best that you can probably do is work your hardest to move out as soon as possible. It seems like potentially getting away from her may be the only way to decrease the negative impact of her words. Since she will not respond to reason, it’s likely best to keep your distance.

You mentioned that moving out is not an option for you at this time. Is it possible for you to get an additional job so that you can save the money in order to move out? What about friends or family? Could you live with them? Would they be willing to give you a place to stay, while you are working towards living independently?

If you were working more, then you would be spending less time at home. It would also have the additional benefit of helping you save money in order to move out sooner.

I wish that I had an easier answer for you. If she won’t stop, accept it. It is her home but do try to move out as soon as possible. Good luck with your efforts.

Dr. Kristina Randle

Mother Issues

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Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2020). Mother Issues. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 23, 2020, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2020/02/26/mother-issues/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 23 Feb 2020 (Originally: 26 Feb 2020)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 23 Feb 2020
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.