I am sorry you’ve had to endure the aftermath of being abused. Yet it is also clear how resilient and strong you have been in coping and dealing with it all. While I certainly can’t know if this is the case I have seen it many times in my practice and know of the phenomenon.
If you were abused for two years during the time you were supposed to be well-monitored and protected by your mom it is possible that you may blame her for not protecting you. If the “friend” was abusing you under mom’s watch then some of the discomforts may be coming from a type of resentment toward her for not protecting you. Naturally, this is just speculation on my part, but I am often amazed at how the anger ore resentment a victim has is directed toward those who should have protected them better.
Please know that this may not be the case at all with you and your mom, but if she is displaying indifference to your pain and doesn’t respect your needs now this may be part of how she was during the abuse. What I am highlighting is your choice of words in how you’ve described her as they might offer some clue to this potential resentment.
First, your sentence: I have random flashes in my head of her doing sexual things to me but, I don’t remember her ever actually doing anything like that to me. She acts normal, like nothing has ever happened. It is interesting because you have a memory of her doing sexual things to you—but then acting like nothing has happened. This is interesting and one way this might be highlighting the situation is that you may have been abused when she should have known that something was, indeed, happening.
Secondly, you say: It doesn’t matter whether I calmly tell her I’m depressed or whether I’m crashing on the floor crying, she still doesn’t do anything…She just watches. Again, another statement where your pain is being ignored and “…she still doesn’t do anything.”
These are small things to notice and a few words that you have used, but this is where I would start I heard you say these things in a session. My recommendation is for you and your mom to go to therapy together. While my guess about this may be all wrong the fact remains that there is an underlying reaction you have toward your mm that is, in some way, connected to the abuse and a therapist with experience would be the one to help you and your mom sort it through.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral