Thank you for your email. I appreciate your struggle and am very glad you are reaching out. The thing that strikes me most about your question is that your opening sentence highlights the fact you know you are smart, but that you see this as a cause of many of your issues. While I understand and appreciate that perspective, I believe your intelligence and thoughtfulness can be your way out. Intelligence can be a real asset in transformation. You’ll need to direct your mind in the service of your heart.
The four elements you’ve identified: shame towards yourself, not feeling good enough, hiding your true self to fit in, and having to cope with a lot of anxiety, I believe are all coming from the same place inside you. Your capacity for self-acceptance, self-efficacy, and self-esteem are all somehow being blocked by a lack of self-compassion. Check out this blog by PsychCentral’s Margarita Tartakovsky and this brief video on the bottom of my homepage on cultivating self-compassion.
Self-compassion allows you to embody the differences and struggles you bring into your life. When we turn out attention to others for approval, get naturally frustrated by the impossibility of pleasing everyone, and then shut off in a nihilistic way the implosion into the self happens as n act of protection, but then cuts us off from what we seem to need.
Self-compassion reverses this process by starting on the inside. We tend to have a relationship with ourselves that mirrors the relationship we have with others (as Jung might have said) and if we can’t heal that on the outside beginning with self-compassion can heal this in the opposite way. I would highly recommend the book Stop Missing Your Life by Cory Muscara as a way to start embracing who you are and becoming more gentle and compassionate with yourself.