Of course this affects you emotionally. How could it not? You have been repeatedly told that you are inadequate and inferior. That would erode anyone’s self-esteem.
Sadly, not every child gets the family she or he deserves. Sadly, you are one of the children this happened to. You may never know why. But do you know what? It doesn’t matter any more.
You can’t change the past. You can’t change your family. But, at 23, you have new options for taking care of yourself. Locking yourself in your room and crying isn’t going to help. A change for the better isn’t going to come knocking on your door. You are going to have to dig deep to find the shred of self-esteem still in there and take some steps to improve your situation.
You made a great start by writing us here at Psych Central. That tells me that shred of self-esteem exists. Now it’s time for the next step. Start making a plan for getting out on your own. You are now in your 20s. It’s time to take charge of your life. Get yourself into school or a job. Get out of your parents’ house and out from under their influence as soon as you can. If you don’t know how to get into school or a training program, go back to your high school and talk to the guidance office there. If that’s not an option, look around for an agency that helps people get on their feet. They have counselors who can help.
If you can, see a mental health counselor as well. A counselor will help you nurture that little bit of self-esteem so it can grow and get stronger. A counselor can also provide you with practical advice and referrals to other people who can help you start on the path to an adult life that is markedly different from your childhood. Do consider joining one of the forums here at PsychCentral as well. People from all over the world encourage and support each other in recovery.
You can do it. It will be difficult at times. But, really: You can do it.
I wish you well.