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How Do I Deal with Narcissist Father?

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From a young woman in the U.S.: Hello, my Narcissist father is doing everything a covert Narcissist does by the book every single item you would find on an article describing them, at the moment it is in the cruelty stage, im worried it will escalate into physical abuse, on more than one occasion they take off their “mask” and say “all women are whores i hate all of you” and then go onto later complimenting my hair. he dates 3-4 women at a time as well, he hates my boyfriend who has shown me what a hell ive been living in.

I need to get out asap but i cant financially support myself and am still in school. I am financially dependent fully on him, and its constantly used against me. What can I do? How do i escape? (when i was a child his favorite past time was to poke me until i cried, he told me my blue eyes were hazel, and all of the gas lighting and manipulating tricks)

I still live at home, but at my boyfriends on the weekend. I have already experienced his Narcissistic rage to an extent but im afraid it will get so much worse. He already has stopped buying groceries for me so i cook and bring food from my boyfriend’s parents’ house (he still is a student as well and lives at home with his parents, who are kind).

My father constantly verbally abuses me, then tries to hoover me back in, it almost works too, i question everything ive learned/done even my boyfriend for a little bit after a soul sucking session where im used as a battery. I need to escape but i dont know how to get by without being financially stable. My home situation is only getting worse and I have a year left to live there. (my mother passed away from cancer 2 years ago and all of this has surfaced since then) please help, being at home terrifying and i can barely sleep.

How Do I Deal with Narcissist Father?

Answered by on -

A.

I’m sorry for the loss of your mother and for the bind you are in. Since your father has a long history of being hurtful toward you, it’s not likely he will change. My guess is that  your mother protected you in some way. Without her support, you may feel especially vulnerable. It’s also possible that things have gotten worse since your mother died because your father doesn’t know how to handle his own grief and is stuck in the anger part of the grieving cycle.

If you can’t work things out with your father, it may be time to think about whether you have other options besides living with him. Do talk to the dean at your school to see if there are possibilities available to you that will help you stay in school. For example, some schools provide room and board for students who are residential assistants. I think you should also talk to the financial aid office to see if there is a way for you to qualify for a scholarship or grant to pay for your last year.

If you can handle it, you could get a job and go to school. You certainly wouldn’t be alone. About 40 percent of undergraduates work 30 hours a week or more at a paid job. Others find live-in work as nannies for children or caregivers for the elderly, getting room and board for a set number of working hours a week.

Do bear in mind that managing school and a job requires huge self-discipline in order to get your school work done. If you are highly motivated and self-directed, it is something to consider. If you aren’t great at time management and at keeping priorities clear, though, this may not be a direction for you. Not everyone can manage it. The grades of students who work more than 30 hours a week often go down. Some people end up dropping or failing classes and then have to pay for an additional semester to finish — which kind of defeats the purpose of having the job.

If you can’t find a way to both support your education and move out on your own, it is worth considering taking some time off from school or going part-time. Sometimes it is in one’s own best interests to put off a goal for a time. It would be most helpful if you could find a job in a field related to your studies so the “time off” will help you build a resume.

Do take a big step back. Do the research and think hard about all your options. Don’t assume that life as it is now has to continue. You may well have more choices than you think.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

How Do I Deal with Narcissist Father?

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APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2020). How Do I Deal with Narcissist Father?. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 7, 2020, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2020/01/17/how-do-i-deal-with-narcissist-father/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 10 Jan 2020 (Originally: 17 Jan 2020)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 10 Jan 2020
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.