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How to Get Back to Abandoned Child

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From India: I am separated from my husband for 3yrs ago we had more differences of opinion. He is ready for divorce, but he is not ready to agree with the world he is ready for divorce. To the world, he wants to show it as I am asking for a divorce and he is still willing to live with me. I am a working woman, his condition to live together is by quitting my job. We have 4yr old son, He is with my parents now. I am not in India, I came abroad 3yrs ago. Now the situation is worst, My parents are with him, they are asking me to quit for child sake. They started using my son to emotionally torture me. I don’t want to hurt my son or make him to feel like I am not loving him. I stopped communicating with my son and parents.
I want a divorce and to bring my child with me, I don’t want to separate my child from my parents all of a sudden, I know it will have more impact in him because I am a total stranger for him. I want to have some handshake time with my parents and him.
I want my husband to pay his part financially for raising the child. He knows I will claim for child support, so he is asking for child custody too.
I am really feeling very guilty for not communicating with my son, Help me how can I handle this situation.

How to Get Back to Abandoned Child

Answered by on -

A.

This is first and foremost a legal question that requires a specialist in these marital matters. You will need someone familiar with the laws of your country and (very likely) with an international perspective as well.

Psychologically, your needs sound clear and understandable. It seems little wonder why you have separated from a man who is worried more about what others think than the reality of the situation. It also seems he has little empathy for his child’s mother’s needs.

The difficulty here are the legal issues. Naturally, I cannot render a legal opinion, but getting a consultation with someone who understands the complications of a mother wanting custody, who lives abroad while your son and his father and extended family live in India is essential. This must first be decided what is fair legally, then the psychological need of the situation can be more fully determined.

In the United States there would often be a psychological evaluation of the child and perhaps the parents as well as part of the legal process. This is why working with a knowledgeable lawyer in these matters with an interest in your specific concerns would be a necessity.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

How to Get Back to Abandoned Child

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Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2020). How to Get Back to Abandoned Child. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 27, 2020, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2020/01/12/how-to-get-back-to-abandoned-child/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 Jan 2020 (Originally: 12 Jan 2020)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 Jan 2020
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.