From a young man in the U.S.: Sometimes when I walk in this world, I feel defective and like an inconvenience to other people and when I get in a conflict or a disagreement with another person I feel even more humiliated and inadequate. I tend to try to protect myself by getting defensive and angry. I experience an empty void in my chest and panicky feeling when I receive negative feedback.
I look outside to other people for self esteem and self definition because I’m very self conscious and insecure. I sometimes experience fatigue and blushing as a result of reacting to everything in my environment. When someone says critical words or looks at me funny, I go into an emotional tailspin. Also when texting, I turn off my phone if my friends don’t respond quickly because I’m afraid that they are mad at me or they no longer like me. I am terrified of getting rejected by another person as well. If I have a crush on someone, I will deny it to avoid putting myself on the line.
I have had issues with insomnia, emotional eating, reactive aggressive behavior like yelling at and/or hitting if someone else makes fun of me, running away, self -harm- had 2 infections from self inflicted cuts before I reached for help, talked about suicide and had suicidal thoughts in the past . Also I hold grudges and resentments towards people who are not nice to me back after engaging in people pleasing and validation seeking and I have issues with trust and forgiveness.
I try to make people happy at the expense of myself so they don’t get angry at me or disapprove of me. I have also attempted to break my own things in anger and that only helped in the moment, but not long term. A year ago I attempted to O.D on prescribed medications right after I got yelled at by someone. I also have issues regulating my stress and anxiety levels in interpersonal situations and I can experience reactive mood swings, emptiness and depression in response to those situations.
I had a history of getting bullied all of my childhood and adolescence and have once gotten an in school from school and spent over a year in emotional support for taking it in my own hands.
What diagnoses would my descriptions describe the symptoms of, even though I know this is for getting diagnosed.