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I’m Convinced a Celebrity Is My Soulmate

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From a teen in the U.S.:  I’ve been a fan of a celebrity since I was twelve. I become obsessed in the way that I watched their every interview and kept up with everything they were involved in and read fan fiction about them. I now know that I was doing this as a way to cope from my anxiety and depression, or perhaps it’s just a hyper-fixation (seeing as I have ADHD)? But a week ago or so I started suddenly fantasizing about this person, creating situations in my mind about how we’d meet and start dating.

I noticed yesterday that a part of me seems to be convinced that we’re soulmates because I’m emotionally attached to him, and he’s got a new song about a girl he daydreams about but doesn’t know. It’s a strong feeling of “knowing” and I feel it in my chest. I’ve been trying to tell this voice that it’s impossible, I’m being delusional and just too hopeful, but it goes on nearly just as strong.

I’m going to try cutting him out of my life as clearly I’ve got an unhealthy obsession now, but thinking about not being attached to him anymore makes me feel empty. Is this because I don’t get love/affection/approval from my parents? I’m concerned I’m actually delusional, because there’s still a hopeful part of me that believes I’m his soulmate. I’ve no signs of psychosis, I’m not sure what’s going on!

I’m Convinced a Celebrity Is My Soulmate

Answered by on -

A.

Thank you for writing. I’m sure this is very confusing and upsetting. You are upset that you have this obsession and you are upset with the possibility of losing it. Your anxiety has taken a new form where you can’t “win”.

I can’t make a diagnosis on the basis of a short letter, of course. But I can suggest that it is possible that you are suffering from a version of erotomania. Erotomania is a delusional disorder where a person (usually a woman) starts to strongly believe that someone who is unobtainable (like the celebrity of your fantasies) is secretly in love with them. Erotomania is broken down into two forms: Primary and Secondary. Primary erotomania is called de Clerambault’s Syndrome which has the uncomplimentary common term of “Old Maid’s Insanity”. It usually has a sudden onset and there isn’t another accompanying mental illness. Secondary erotomania is found as a part of another mental illness like paranoid schizophrenia. Since you say that you have no signs of psychosis, it is more likely that you are suffering from the primary type.

It’s possible that part of the cause in your case is your difficult relationship with your parents. More likely, it has to do with loneliness and not being successful at finding a partner when most teens your age are developmentally and appropriately exploring their sexuality and relationships for the first time. You long for love but haven’t been able to figure out how to find it or who to find it with. Some studies also suggest a genetic propensity for the disorder but that isn’t yet clear.

I think you would benefit from treatment. You said you have anxiety and depression but you didn’t mention if that diagnosis came from a professional or only from your own reading. I suspect that you haven’t engaged in treatment for either problem since you didn’t mention it. The emergence of this obsession suggests that your anxiety has become more serious than you can manage on your own.

Please do yourself the big favor of getting help from a licensed mental health counselor. Erotomania has a way of becoming chronic if untreated. Individual psychotherapy has been found to be effective. Sometimes some family therapy is recommended as well.

I wish you well.

Dr. Marie

I’m Convinced a Celebrity Is My Soulmate

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Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2019). I’m Convinced a Celebrity Is My Soulmate. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 8, 2020, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2019/12/27/im-convinced-a-celebrity-is-my-soulmate/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 22 Dec 2019 (Originally: 27 Dec 2019)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 22 Dec 2019
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.