I’m sorry that the time between when people write and when we can answer is too long to provide help for a meeting that was to happen the day the letter was sent. But my guess is that this problem isn’t over.
Both you and your boyfriend have had a rough start. You found each other and have clung to each other like survivors from a ship wreck cling to a life raft. You helped each other survive by giving each other love and support. But life isn’t the Titanic. One or both people don’t have to “die”. There can be a much happier ending – with each person reaching the shore of adulthood and having a happy life, with or without each other.
You two met when you were only 16. You are both growing and changing. It may be that what you each needed then is not what you need now.
I don’t think your boyfriend is bipolar. I do think he is struggling. On the one hand, he may be ready for a more independent life where he has the freedom to explore his studies and work without the obligations of a relationship., On the other hand, he doesn’t want to feel like he is abandoning you. But seeing you every day and responding constantly to texts may be more than he can or should reasonably do.
On your side, I think you know you do need to explore who you are outside of this relationship. On the one hand, the possibility of being on your own is sending you into a panic so you say mean things to your boyfriend and crowd him even more. On the other hand, you know that your constant need for reassurance is hard on him and unhealthy for you.
I think you might benefit from seeing a therapist for awhile. A therapist can help you expand your support system so all your emotional needs aren’t funneled to your boyfriend. Just as important, therapy can help you find out who you are as a separate adult.
A healthy relationship is made up of two strong people who are interdependent, not dependent, with each other. Once you each find ways to transition to adulthood, you will be in a better place to reevaluate your relationship.
One more thing: A constant need for cuddling isn’t healthy for either of you. Let those times be less often and more special and they will be more meaningful. If you need physical affirmation every day, a furry pet may help you transition to a healthier balance.
I wish you well.