Your letter is an important one because it reminds all of our readers that not everything is a psychological problem. Yes, the family member may have ADHD. But that isn’t your problem. Your problem is that this is a rotten situation.
You can’t change these people. They have no reason to change. As difficult as it is to understand why anyone would want to live this way, they have made it clear they are happy, or at least okay, with it. All they have to do to get constant maid service from you is put up with some complaints from you.
You didn’t give me enough information so I can understand why you think you have to live with these people for the foreseeable future. I hope you will rethink this. You may be so discouraged about your ability to separate from them that you aren’t able to think creatively about what to do. That would not be unusual in a situation like this. You are worn down and worn out by their bullying.
If they are in your home, see a lawyer about how to evict them. If the problem is finances, look into whether you qualify for some public assistance. If you can’t think of any options for yourself, consider making an appointment with a mental health counselor to get some advice and support. If you can’t afford a therapist or a lawyer, look into whether your community has a service that provides that kind of advice. Often Domestic Violence programs can be helpful in matters like this.
Do consider joining a forum here on PsychCentral for some additional support and advice. Click on the “Find Help” tab on the home page.
You need and deserve to live without this constant stress. I hope you can find the energy and motivation to get yourself out of it.
I wish you well.