Every family has a culture that is influencing our thoughts, feelings and behaviors. There is a ”norm” or familiarity that gets woven into our way of being with our families that becomes a way of life.
The most telling of your concern is who is most often around when these feelings are activated: your family. You also say that most of the encounters you have with your family that involve anger end in tears. The important element here is what you DON’T experience. There is never a working-through of the anger. It ends badly and it seems clear from your statement that there is a residual that stays with you. This unresolved anger is like hydrofluoric acid and will eat through you. It doesn’t get contained because it is never neutralized through resolution.
In these instances it is best treated with family therapy with a highly skilled therapist. But if the family is unwilling or unable to go it may be good to find an individual therapist who can help you find appropriate outlets, alternatives, and resolutions for these invasive thoughts.