Thank you for writing. I’m sure this is very painful. It’s natural to want comfort and love from one’s mother. But sadly, not everyone gets a mother who knows how to mother. It’s likely your mother has some issues of her own that she is taking out on you.
If you used a well to get water and it dried up, how many times do you think you would lower the bucket before you admitted that the well was dry? It doesn’t help to keep going back to lower the bucket yet another time. You have to go find your “water” — in this case love — somewhere else.
In your case, you have married to fill your bucket with the love and support you don’t get from your mom. Although 19 is young to be married, it isn’t necessarily a poor choice. People find love and partnership at any age. But if you focus on your relationship with your mother, instead of your relationship with your husband, your marriage won’t deepen as it could.
The early years of any marriage are a time when the couple learns how to be a team. You and your husband need to learn how to be a team in supporting you in your schooling and in solving your money problems. Fighting with your mother is a great distraction but it won’t change your mom and it doesn’t solve the problems you and your husband need to work on.
You and your husband have some challenging problems including money, the relationship with your family, and how to help you continue your education. You also have the problem of not knowing how to solve problems without fighting. If you and your husband can’t figure that out, I do suggest that you consider seeing a couples therapist for a few sessions to get some practical advice.
I wish you well.