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I Want to Hurt People, Physically & Mentally

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I feel weird asking this but because i am yet to find any answer on the internet or a question similar i shall do so.
I consistently get the urge to harm people physically, same with mentally, but in terms of mentally i just feel like i want to degrade someone into hurting themselves.

Physically i keep having urges and a deep yearn to hurt people usually in specific ways at that moment in time, for example “i want to shoot this person” &”i want to rip this persons face open” Deep morbid” thoughts, i have suffered no trauma in the past, but i have always been quite violent, or at least i have wanted to be. Despite me constantly wanting to do these things, i feel too afraid to tell someone because i know that i will not do them, as enjoyable as it sounds to me. I will always go with the side of morals.
My family and friends think i’m autistic because of the way i behave, but i have no clue.
In terms of empathy, i have it but only if i think about it or someone makes me think. I could be wanting to seriously damage someone, but then if they mention someone in their family all i can think is “omg, i can’t do that to his poor family” it’s really hard to explain. Honestly, i just want to be fixed. I don’t want to want to hurt everyone.

I Want to Hurt People, Physically & Mentally

Answered by on -


It is very brave of you to write this letter. I’m sure it wasn’t easy. You might be relieved to know that you’re not alone. I receive letters from people experiencing similar problems. Some of them also have violent urges and a desire to hurt people. What’s most important is acknowledging these urges and being proactive. It’s important to keep these urges in check.

One way to ensure you avoid violence is with counseling. It would be helpful to know more about why you want to hurt people. Though I may commonly receive letters from people experiencing similar problems, the desire to hurt people is not the norm. Wanting other people to suffer is a deviation from the normal range of human desires.

In addition, counseling is a good way to control your behavior. This is especially true for people with strong, violent urges. Obviously, if you were to hurt someone, you would likely go to jail. If you were to kill someone, you could go to prison for the rest of your life, or depending on where you live, be executed by the state. Virtually every religion considers murder a sin. If you believe in an afterlife or practice a particular religion, murder may mean that you may face a different type of punishment.

There are several main theories that may explain your urges. One possibility is a lack of power. If the people around you (i.e. your parents), have all of the power, then maybe you have no control. In your fantasies, you seem to be the all-powerful one, the person in control. Perhaps your homicidal thoughts are a psychological compensation stemming from feelings of powerlessness.

Relatedly, violent people who have been victims of abuse may feel the desire to retaliate. They might want to make others feel the same pain they have felt. If they can’t retaliate against their abusers directly, they might take out their frustrations on people who they perceive as weak. You stated that you have not been abused. That may be true, however, your definition of abuse may be different than my definition of abuse.

Some people are motivated to hurt others because they are inherently aggressive. High levels of aggression may be related to mental illness. You mentioned the possibility of autism. A thorough psychiatric evaluation could determine if mental illness is present.

Among people with high levels of aggression, they may not possess good coping skills for properly expressing their strong emotions. Because they lack these coping skills, they may take out their strong emotions on other people in the form of violence. Had they possessed more appropriate ways of expressing their aggression, they may not have acted out in a violent way.

Lacking empathy is another possible underlying motivator. In your case, you have empathy only after being reminded about the reality of an individual’s situation. It seems as though your ability to empathize is within your capacity. Therapy is the ideal platform for developing your empathic feelings more automatically.

I hope that you will consider counseling. A therapist could help to determine whether or not you have autism, a diagnosis your family suspects may be possible. If you feel as though you may harm yourself or someone else, call emergency services immediately. They will protect you and others from being harmed. Good luck with your efforts. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

I Want to Hurt People, Physically & Mentally

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW

Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.

APA Reference
Randle, K. (2019). I Want to Hurt People, Physically & Mentally. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 3, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 22 Nov 2019 (Originally: 24 Nov 2019)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 22 Nov 2019
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