It has taken a great deal of courage and persistence for you to show your bravery is writing this email. As a young adult, it can feel very scary to have thoughts that you feel you cannot control. But there are several things I would consider about this voice.
First, the voice is not without reaction. You say that “The more I try to keep her quiet, the louder she gets.” This gives us the first clue that this voice is changeable. If it gets worse it means it can get better. It sounds like a direct attack on it causes it to fight back with even more intensity. If it isn’t a constant and can be ruffled the work is on finding out what would diminish it. The very fact that it bothers you when it says something negative means that the very rational and conscious part of you is aware that this voice isn’t okay and needs to be dealt with.
Much the same way you would go to a physician if you had a pain in your side, you would go to a psychologist because this voice has become a pain. Psychologists are trained to look at and understand problems. Some psychologists are even more specifically trained to help change the way we talk to ourselves. This is the type I would recommend. They specialize in cognitive behavior therapy (CBT.)
A CBT therapist will help you to understand the pattern of these negative thoughts and see them as thinking traps that can be dealt with by challenging the thoughts.At its core CBT is aimed at changing the patterns of thinking and behavior that are causing the difficulties. By changing the attitudes, behaviors, and thoughts it relieves the emotional problems caused by these unhealthy patterns.
You are very brave to have sent this email. Now it is time to take the next step. A CBT psychologist is trained to help you deal with these thoughts and I would strongly suggest you talk to one so you can begin to feel better.
You can learn more about CBT in this in-depth blog by Dr. Ben Martin here at PsychCentral.
Wishing you patience and peace,
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral