I’m very glad you wrote.
Sometimes when a person asks a question, they already have the answer. When you ask if you should seek help, it means that you know you really should. You’ve already done the research. You’ve already tried medication. You’ve done what you can reasonably expect yourself to do on your own. If you could figure it out, you would have already done so.
You have had significant trauma in your life. You are right that people who have had traumatic experiences often develop coping mechanisms that saved them at the time but that later get in their way. It is common for people who have been terribly hurt to respond with thoughts about revenge. It’s common for such people to have anger issues and relationship issues. You need the support of someone who has the training and experience to help you leave the past behind and be all you can be.
What you need to do now is make an appointment with a licensed mental health counselor who has experience working with teen guys. Your physician or your school counselor can probably give you some names of good counselors. You could also look at the Therapist Finder here at PsychCentral.
You are absolutely correct to be looking for further help. You could have decades of life ahead. You deserve to be freed of the anxiety and burden of these thoughts so you can have a happy future.
I wish you well.