It is not clear what you’re asking. Based on the symptoms that you have described, psychopathy may be a possibility but if you’re under the age of 18, you may fall more in line with conduct disorder. Without interviewing you professionally, it’s difficult to know what might be wrong.
Your letter also seems to read like a laundry list of psychopathy symptoms. It’s not clear if what you have described are your actual symptoms, or if you are using the clinical or diagnostic language of psychopathy to characterize your symptoms. More descriptive, and less clinical, is always better.
A few elements of your article are particularly concerning. One is the fact that you have killed family pets. That is never okay. That is always a red flag. In fact, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), America’s principal law enforcement agency, has recategorized animal abuse as a felony crime. They have increased the penalties because they understand that people who hurt animals might also hurt people. They recognize animal cruelty for the violent crime that it is.
You mentioned having been abused. It’s possible that the abuse explains your disposition. You didn’t say who abused you but, statistically speaking, it’s usually someone you know, like a parent or a stepparent. In fact, studies show that the majority of child abusers are parents or their unmarried partners. In the case of unmarried partners, there are even occasions when a child has gone to their parent to report the abuse and then are not believed. That is an ultimately helpless feeling. Sometimes people who have been abused will take their hurt feelings out on others as a way to feel some level of control. Perhaps that is what you are doing. If true, you can and should receive help for this.
Another concerning aspect of your letter is your auditory hallucinations. It’s possible that this is a sign of mental illness. It’s also possible that it’s a side effect from your lack of sleep. Generally speaking, most people need eight to ten hours of sleep a night and more for adolescents. If you’re only getting four hours, it’s possible that you’re experiencing the side effects of sleep deprivation. Study show that there is an increased frequency of auditory hallucinations and delusions associated with prolonged loss of sleep. It’s not clear if what you have described is a side effect of your lack of sleep but it is a possibility. It would be advisable for you to consult a physician about your auditory hallucinations and also to determine why you only sleep four hours a night. This is not the norm and should be evaluated.
It is not good to be “obsessed” with anything and that is especially true for serial killers and psychopaths. They are people who are willing to hurt others for their own personal gain. These are not good people. Some might even call them evil.
If you are “obsessed,” then it would be in your best interest to seek help. Obsession would suggest something beyond your control. Whenever someone feels unable to control their behavior, it’s a sign of a problem. The risk is that they will lose control and do something bad.
If you’d like to write back to ask more specific question, please don’t hesitate to do so. I will try to answer any question you may have. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle