Every major religion considers murder wrong. Not only is it immoral but it is against the law. You mentioned not wanting to go to prison. If you did kill, prison would be your fate. You will likely go to prison and stay there for the rest of your life. It would be a waste of your life, and you would suffer immensely while there. Imagine how bored you would be living in a cage.
Prison would be the sentence for murder unless you live in a country where they have the death penalty. In that case, you might live in prison for a time and then be executed by the state. In either case, it’s a life of misery.
You stated that you had a bad childhood and don’t have any friends but, you do not explain why you want to kill. Even if that’s what you believe, it may not be true. You could be wrong about this. It’s very common for people who have been hurt through abuse to want to hurt others. Sometimes people take it out on themselves. Others take it out on other people. They want to see others suffer in the same manner that they have suffered.
Regarding lack of friends, that can make an individual feel isolated and alone. No one likes to feel alone. It’s a very unpleasant feeling. It’s enough to make people angry and bitter. In fact, it might be what underlies the “incel” movement. “Incels” is short for involuntarily celibate. It’s a group of mostly young unmarried white men who have trouble connecting with others. In response to their inability to connect, they are angry, blame others and on occasion, turn to violence.
It’s a general rule that people who are hurt will sometimes hurt other people. Your having been abused could have at least in part, explain why you want to kill.
You also mentioned boredom. There’s a concept in the scientific literature known as leisure scholarship. Specifically, some researchers have theorized that homicide offenders engage in killing as their preferred leisure activity. In one case study, the researchers observed that there were two underlying psychological motivations for killing as a leisure activity: one included relief from boredom and the second was the need for fun and excitement.
It’s possible that your desire to engage in homicidal activities is driven by your boredom. As mentioned above, is also likely that your abuse history and your inability to connect with others are also contributors. Even if we knew the exact cause of why you are expressing a desire to kill, it doesn’t necessarily provide a solution to the problem.
Ideally, you should consult a mental health professional who can treat this problem and prevent you from engaging in dangerous and illegal activities. If your goal is to avoid prison, then you must do everything in your power not to break the law. The more often you engage in illegal activities, the higher the probability of going to prison. Murder will almost certainly earn you a life sentence or execution by the state. By getting help now, you can avoid all of those negative outcomes as well as find a positive solution to your problem of boredom. Best of luck to you. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle