From Denmark: I’m a 28 year old male, I’ve been in long term relationships (5 years) that have ended and recovered rather quickly.
However my ex girlfriend (F26) of 1.5 years confessed she was unfaithful in a drunken one night stand within the first month of our relationship, after she had asked for exclusivity.
There was no indication of infidelity other she ensured she never consumed alcohol, and a moment where she asked to define our anniversary, and suggested oddly a date following this transgression.
She was had been one of my best friends for years and I was very close to her family.
She confessed to her family and her therapist the days prior to confessing to me. She said that I helped her find herself from depression. That she realized she had betrayed our values and she does not know how she could do this. She also told me for the first time that she loved me.
I ended the relationship, I said I forgive her, but I asked she give me space. I have not spoken to her in 6 months and I will not contact her again.
In the months following I operated as normal without much pain, I dated casually, invested in my fitness and have a strong support network. However only now I find my mind constantly opening this wound, I try to reconcile how one of my closest friends could not respect my values or me.
We all make errors in judgement, but she chose to lie to me, to try to change the date, I feel this displays her true character.
I question if I fell in love with her, or rather some projection of who I thought she was. I question my ability to judge the character of others. I can no longer find confidence in trusting others romantically. Worst of all, I cannot focus, I run my own business of 40+ employees, which I loved. People see me as a stoic man, I am no longer this man.
As an injured combat veteran with no military related PTSD. I struggle to understand why I allow this experience to destroy my peace.
I come from a culture with little regard for sex, and I know in terms of infidelity, this is not so bad.
I hope she changes through therapy, I hope she finds happiness but I cannot be a part of her life. If she contacts me, I must ask her to leave me be. I know most women can pass this low threshold of not having sex with others.
Is this who she really was? Should I thank her parents for urging her to inform me?
What can I do to bury this, or to heal within?
Pardon my English.