Home » Ask the Therapist » Relationships » Sexuality » My Boyfriend Seems Sexually Frustrated

My Boyfriend Seems Sexually Frustrated

Asked by on with 1 answer:

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a little over 4 months. We haven’t had any sexual affairs and I like it that way since we’re minors. Getting sexual makes me uncomfortable and my boyfriend has never asked me for anything like that.

It all started when I was over at his house. We were watching a movie on his bed and I fell asleep. I woke up to him fumbling. I was still half-asleep. Suddenly he took my hand and dragged it down near his dick. I can still remember the suspense- I could feel him lifting his shirt up and then he sort of helped himself with my hand. He didn’t jerk off or anything, he just sort of touched himself a few times. Then he stumbled out of bed and was in the bathroom for quite a long time.

I was so mad that I confronted him and broke up with him. He kept begging for a chance so I decided to forgive him this once. At about 2 am yesterday we were having a phone call. The incident came up and I asked things like why he did it, and why it was all wet and sticky. His breath got shaky and I could tell he was helping himself. Why is he so sexually frustrated these days? He always has an erection around me too, even if he tries to hide it.

Also, is it okay for me to have sex with him? Because, like, we’re still minors and all that. (From Korea)

My Boyfriend Seems Sexually Frustrated

Answered by on -


The fact that you are minors and sex is forbidden in your country until 20 (as noted by this source on consent around the world) means that there can be real consequences, such as being charged with prosecution for or being charged with statutory rape or the equivalent local law. Ages of consent around the world range widely from 11 in Nigeria to 21 in Bahrain, with the second-highest age of consent being South Korea. This means that there may be a struggle for you and your boyfriend when it comes to dealing with feelings of sexual urges. They are for the most part natural, and at 16 there is a normal surge, which is why the majority of other countries have an age of consent between 16 and 18.

The key to dealing with this is to continue talking about what is happening between the two of you and managing the feelings, frustration, and advantages that can come from waiting. Only through this ongoing way of having a dialogue can you continue to develop your relationship while deciding how you want to handle these urges.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral


My Boyfriend Seems Sexually Frustrated

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2019). My Boyfriend Seems Sexually Frustrated. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 30, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 28 Oct 2019 (Originally: 30 Oct 2019)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 28 Oct 2019
Published on Psych All rights reserved.