Thank you for sharing this difficult situation with us. I hope I can offer some support and guidance. The heartbreaking detail about your father’s abuse — now your mother’s — is an important series of dynamics to understand. You’ve grown up in a highly dysfunctional household where your father’s brutality toward your mother both physically and verbally was the default, the norm of the situation. When you turned 12, the tables were turned and your mother’s empowerment turned toward abuse.
Now, after your father’s accident and the conflicting reports from your parents you are feeling like you can’t do anything. There is a good reason for you to be feeling this way. The problems in your family started long before and as you are making preparations to leave by taking your examination you are more fully realizing all their issues and problems. The reason you are feeling like you cannot do anything is that you can not. Your parent’s problems run much deeper than what their 17-year-old son can manage. Their conflicts are not yours to solve. Your work now is on continuing to prepare for the exam away from them, do well enough to be able to leave, and begin developing your own path of independence and individuation.
By your parents not providing you with a better environment for you to develop in they have not given you or your brother what you could have used in growing up. Both you and your brother will need to support and help each other through this next phase of life. Seek support from teachers, your school, where you worship and extended family to help you through this time. Use your resources for your development, not for trying to correct parents that are embroiled in their own mistreatment of each other. Focus on you and your brother’s development, not on your parents.
I realize this may not be what you want to hear. Yet, detaching with love is a term often used when family members are too far involved in their pathology for you to be of genuine help without depleting yourself. Detaching with love means that you can have compassion for them, but not get too absorbed in trying to fix them. This may be difficult, but it is one of the only ways to get through this time without depleting yourself.