I am so very glad you wrote. It is not “causing problems” to try to get help. It is the opposite. You are trying to find solutions.
You are right to be concerned about yourself. You are clearly stressed and stressed more by the stress. These things can get into a negative cycle. You can’t sleep because of the stress. Lack of sleep makes things worse. You’ve done everything you know how to get better on your own but it isn’t working. Clearly you need some help.
You do need to talk to a qualified counselor ASAP. You have been heroic in trying to take care of yourself all by yourself. Now it’s time to call in a consultant who can hear your unique situation and give you the support you need to heal.
I hope the college you are attending has a counseling service available. If so, use it. College programs are very familiar with situations like yours. In a 2017 study by the American College Health Association, researchers found that 40% of college students experienced symptoms of depression that were serious enough that they had a hard time functioning. College counselors have a great deal of experience working with people who have anxiety and depression.
Leaving school isn’t always the answer. Sometimes students benefit by getting extensions in classes or by just dropping a class or two. The advisability of going home depends on what you will do when you get there. If you retreat to a dark bedroom and give in to the depression, you will only get worse. But if there are supports there that are not at school, then it might be a good choice to go home and get into treatment.
I hope you are wrong about your father “hating you” if you take time out from school. He may be upset that you are in such a bad way. He may not understand why. He may think he can simply talk you out of depression with a pep talk or an angry push. He hasn’t seen how you have been suffering so he probably won’t understand the depth of the problem. Another reason to see a counselor is that a counselor can help your father understand how best to help you.
Please get the help you need and deserve. With treatment, there is every reason to believe that you will heal and go on to be successful in whatever you choose to do.
I wish you well.