Thanks for sending in your concerns. If we look at your complaints — being bedridden, lacking motivation, insomnia, stressed, inattentive, poor appetite, feeling alienated and alienating, being unfocused, irritable, suffering chest pains, and hatred of yourself and others — we see symptoms that systematically chip away at your well-being. Added to this you say that you cannot follow through on any given any type of commitment and that talking about all this is both uncomfortable and embarrassing.
Yet, mixed in with all of the symptoms is one commitment — chronically vaping. Nearly every symptom you’ve measured has been linked to high doses of tetrahydrocannabinol THC, the active component of cannabis used when you vape rather than smoke weed. Here is an article on these effects.
When you talk to your counselor talk about how much you vape and ask for help in quitting. The first thing is to stop doing the thing that is most likely fueling all, or most, of your symptoms. My guess is that if you address this issue first you are likely to have greater success in coping with the things that are troubling you.