Unfortunately, your power in this situation is limited. You can’t control other people. You can’t control how people think about you. You can try to make someone think a particular way about you and it still may not have the intended effect. It likely will have no effect at all or it may even backfire.
People often filter things about the world through the lens of what’s going on in their lives. For instance, if they’re struggling or having problems, they may be taking out their frustrations or their inability to resolve their problems, on you. They may not even be aware of it. In other words, it may not be deliberate.
Alternatively, it’s also possible that it is deliberate. Not everyone is reasonable or open to change. Some people are close minded and only want to see things from a certain perspective. They are not open to new ideas and thus can be rigid, unreasonable and difficult. These characteristics may or may not accurately describe the people with whom you are interacting but that should be determined. Their intentions are more important than their actions.
You know them well. You have a much better sense of how they are and what they’re like. Try to view the situation from their perspective. Consider how they typically interact with others. It might provide insight into why they’re treating you in a particular way. You might also consider what may be going on in their lives that might be leading them to have this reaction towards you.
Miscommunication also seems to be part of this issue. Perhaps their understanding of the situation is different than yours and they’re coming to a different conclusion than you are.
There are many people involved in these matters. As you said in your letter, instead of talking directly to you about this problem, your aunt attempted to address it with other people in the family. Obviously, she should have spoken to you directly but that apparently is not her style of interacting.
Try your hardest to resolve this matter and if they are not receptive, then it’s best to limit your interactions with them. Understandably, it’s difficult to tolerate unresolved matters but it appears as though you may have no choice in the matter.
You’ve tried to explain your side of the story. You’ve called. You’ve texted. You’ve left messages. They are simply nonresponsive. Maybe, after time passes, or something changes, they’ll be more responsive. For now, it seems as though you’ve done all you can. Hopefully, things will change but for now, it may be best to keep your distance and move on with your life. Good luck and please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle