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I’m Afraid of Having a Family in the Future

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From Austria: Hello. Before i start i’m sorry if i make any grammar mistakes because my main language is not English…

I’m writing here because i have a fear of having family in future. I know that i am young and maybe i don’t have to think about that, but i hear a lot of my friends talking how they dreaming about having a baby, how many kids they want, they already think about finding a love of their life and i feel like i am an idiot, like i am not a normal person because I just can’t think about having a baby someday or having a husband because I’m terrified of that… I’m terrified of having responsibilities for my children, i just don’t want them, my dream is having a successful career not a children and i feel really bad that i’m a girl and i’m terrified of having a husband and kids… please help me, is that normal that i don’t want kids… thank you so much…

I’m Afraid of Having a Family in the Future

Answered by on -

A.

Thank you for writing us and your English was easy to understand. I think that at 16 years of age the responsibility of being a mom and a wife could, indeed, be terrifying. It is daunting to have responsibilities for another human being for the rest of their life, and hopefully you will have a great deal of life to be sampled before becoming a mother or committing to a husband. First of all, it is perfectly okay if you don’t want to have a child and don’t want to get married. Check out these statistics from the United States Census Bureau:

According to the U.S. Census Bureau’s Current Population Survey, in 2014, 47.6 percent of women between age 15 and 44 had never had children, up from 46.5 percent in 2012. This represents the highest percentage of childless women since the bureau started tracking that data in 1976.”

This is important for you to to know. Your feelings of not wanting to be responsible for child are shared with many others. While the reasons may vary for being childfree, the fact remains that many women are choosing that route and it is an option for you as well.

People are also waiting longer than ever before to get married. As an example the average age for a woman to get married in the United states has gone up dramatically since 1980. According to this chart it has risen from about 22 years of age to nearly 28. This is a big jump and is happening because there are more demands, needs, and desires people want to experience before they settle down.

So, on both accounts of not wanting a child or a husband you are in good company. Just because others may have different needs and desires doesn’t make you abnormal. It is okay to be concerned about what you want to take responsibility for in the future. Be gentle with yourself and these choices. There is plenty of room for your thinking about this the way you are.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

I’m Afraid of Having a Family in the Future

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2019). I’m Afraid of Having a Family in the Future. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2019/09/24/im-afraid-of-having-a-family-in-the-future/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 23 Sep 2019 (Originally: 24 Sep 2019)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 23 Sep 2019
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.