Thank you for writing. In my opinion, this is more than a good idea – it’s a great idea! You are 20. You’ve been dealing with this since you were only 13! You aren’t likely to be able to work on your own problems if you are constantly braced for what will happen next at home.
You were able to find love and marry. It’s time you and your husband started your own adult lives. Getting away from the patterns that are long established in your mother’s home will free the two of you to learn how to be with each other in a healthy environment in a healthy way. If you chose your partner well, I think you may be surprised at how much your love will flourish.
I assume that you are both working and that you can afford the apartment. If you can, I suggest that whatever it costs, you can’t afford not to move. I urge you to trust your own good judgment and get out of there. If you find that you can’t figure out how to make it happen, do consider seeing a therapist for a few sessions (both you and your husband) to get some support and some new ideas.
I wish you well.