From a young woman in the U.S.: I have had enough of the constant drama in my house, should I move out? I wish I had a larger word limit, lots of history behind this. To keep it short, I live with my mother and her alcoholic boyfriend, which has made the last 7 years of my life that much harder and I need out.
Both of them have their own ways of causing me an equally large amount of unnecessary stress that leads my depression and anxiety to be more intense. I have my own trauma and personal issues I never have time to correctly deal with when I am surrounded by other people’s drama. I have found a perfect room to rent to get me away from my mom’s house until my husband and I have our own home by June. I think moving would allow me to be more independent, focus on myself, and be in a better environment. Is this a good idea?
Thank you for writing. In my opinion, this is more than a good idea – it’s a great idea! You are 20. You’ve been dealing with this since you were only 13! You aren’t likely to be able to work on your own problems if you are constantly braced for what will happen next at home.
You were able to find love and marry. It’s time you and your husband started your own adult lives. Getting away from the patterns that are long established in your mother’s home will free the two of you to learn how to be with each other in a healthy environment in a healthy way. If you chose your partner well, I think you may be surprised at how much your love will flourish.
I assume that you are both working and that you can afford the apartment. If you can, I suggest that whatever it costs, you can’t afford not to move. I urge you to trust your own good judgment and get out of there. If you find that you can’t figure out how to make it happen, do consider seeing a therapist for a few sessions (both you and your husband) to get some support and some new ideas.
You may well find that once you are out of the situation, your anxiety and depression will be considerably reduced.
I wish you well.
Should I Move Out?
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2019). Should I Move Out?. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2019/09/12/should-i-move-out-2/
Last updated: 11 Sep 2019 (Originally: 12 Sep 2019) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 11 Sep 2019 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.