I’m very glad you wrote. This is a difficult way to live. As much as you say you hate change, you do need to change how you think and feel.
Normally, I would refer anyone who is suffering physical pains to their physician. In your case, the pain changes location day to day. That suggests that the “pain” is a way that your body is telling you that something is wrong but that it might not be physical. I’m guessing the body pains are like a “smoke detector” going off, telling you that you are in deep psychological pain that needs to be treated. You should have an exam by a physician just in case there is something medically amiss — just to be on the safe side.
I can’t make a diagnosis on the basis of only a letter. But your description of your thoughts and feelings does suggest depression and anxiety. Please make an appointment with a mental health professional for an evaluation. Self-diagnosis may be a place to start but once you label yourself, what do you do next? For that you need the expertise of a professional. A counselor will not only evaluate you for a diagnosis but will also make suggestions for what you can do to feel better.
Meanwhile, you say you can’t help it that you have low self esteem but that simply isn’t true. Self esteem isn’t something you have or you don’t. It’s a term that describes how people feel about themselves at the time. A positive self esteem can be built by interrupting negative thinking and setting positive thinking in motion. The way to do that is to start doing things that you believe are helpful to others. Doing good is what leads to feeling good. If you wait to feel good before you do good, it won’t work. It goes the other way around. I know. I researched this and wrote a book about it: Unlocking the Secrets of Self-Esteem: A Guide to Building Confidence and Connection One Step at a Time.
You made a very important first step toward feeling better by writing to us here. I urge you to take the next step and to make those appointments with a physician and counselor. You don’t have to live with these feelings. With the help and support of professionals — and with commitment on your part to work on it, you can again feel good about yourself and have friends.
I wish you well.