Thank you for writing. You’ve been dealing with all of this since you were only 10?? How is it possible that your family isn’t aware of your pain? Either they are clueless about those they live with or they feel so helpless to help you that they are in denial. It’s also possible that you are very good at covering your needs. Regardless, if your parents are basically good people who love you, it’s long past time when you should be turning to them for their support. They will feel terrible that they have missed it for almost a decade but they will feel far worse if something happens to you due to self neglect or risky behavior born of self-loathing.
You tell me you talked to your doctor but you didn’t mention what you were told to do about your distress. Are you accepting help that is available? Or was your doctor unable to refer you on to a mental health professional?
You didn’t tell us whether you diagnosed yourself or if you have seen a mental health counselor. I certainly hope you have done the later. Self-diagnosis sometimes provides a label but it doesn’t provide any useful direct help and care. You need to be assessed by a licensed therapist. The two of you can then decide how to best proceed to get you out of this very long slump and back into normal life.
Sleep issues only make things far worse. Anxiety and depression are exacerbated by lack of sufficient, restorative sleep. You might find it helpful to read this article I wrote for other professionals.
I was glad to read that you have a boyfriend. That tells me that, despite all the problems, you’ve been able to interact with someone enough to love and be loved. If you were seeing a therapist, that’s an important toe-hold that could be built on to help you begin to move out of your depression.
You are not doomed. You do need to get yourself the help you need and deserve.
I wish you well.